What Can't Be Forgiven?
by JSlater
Summary: Nate reflects on his relationship with Elena after she leaves him in Madagascar. She's always forgiven him before, but this time, he's gone too far.


_"She'll get over it," Sam had said. He was leaning against the wall of their motel room back in Madagascar, cigarette hanging limply between his fingers, and when he saw Nate's expression his grin turned sarcastic. "Look, Nathan, when we find this treasure, we'll be two of the richest men in the world. I _guarantee _she will forgive you."_

And like a fool, Nate had believed him, because Elena had always forgiven him. He'd been lying to her for as long as he'd known her, and she'd always forgiven him for it. Always come back to him, or at least let him crawl back to her. She was like that. But this time was different. He'd broken her trust one too many times. He'd never have her forgiveness. Not this time.

It wasn't right to be here without her. The air was warm, if humid, the tropical sun so bright that Nate's eyes burned. But if he squinted, he could see the afternoon sky through the brilliantly green foliage, and the view was beautiful enough that he could forget the humidity and the brightness and the dirt against his back. Why had he never stopped in his adventures to just look around before now? Nate wondered what the sunset might look like on Libertalia. He'd love to watch it, but he probably wouldn't have the time.

If he shut his eyes, he could almost hear the click of her camera. He could see her even more easily, that slight limp of hers as she walked—Flynn's attack, but Nate's fault—and the ruffling of her hair in the ocean breeze. She was beautiful. How much time had he wasted without her over the years? A year, when he left a note in her kitchen in New York about how he couldn't put her in danger, and a couple of weeks later he'd been kissing a redhead in Barcelona. Three weeks, when he'd lost his wedding ring during an excursion in a jungle just a couple months after they'd gotten married and she'd told him to get out. Almost a lifetime, when she'd caught him sneaking home at two in the morning, when she demanded to know who the other woman was and he didn't have an answer, because there was no other woman, he'd been with Sully planning a job in France, and that, he knew, was worse.

And this time, he'd lost it all, just as he'd realized what he should have been doing all along. He wouldn't waste another second not thinking about her. She'd never know it, he'd never tell, but Nate would spend his life faithful to her.

Nate shifted against the dirt, tired and uncomfortable. He glanced down at his brother; Sam was sprawled awkwardly across his legs, eyes shut and lips slightly parted, and part of him wanted to kick his older brother. A small part of him, of course. Sam had made his mistakes, but so had Nate. One of them, at least, deserved to be forgiven.

But, God, Sam's lies were hard to forgive. He'd been free for two years without telling Nate? Working for that bastard Rafe, no less? Alcázar was nothing more than a ghost story, something to scare Nate into following Sam's plans? It was still hard to comprehend. Nate had forgiven his brother as soon as he'd been asked, of course, at this point holding grudges was futile, but the betrayal was still there.

No. If he couldn't have Elena's forgiveness, if she'd walked out of his life when she walked out of the motel in Madagascar, then the least he could do is give his own forgiveness to his brother. Sam had stretched his hand out to him, wordlessly, and Nate told his brother what both of them wanted to hear, and taken it. He still held it. His palm was sweaty against his brother's, and the angle of his shoulder was painful, but Nate wasn't going to let go.

Nate looked up at the sky and imagined Elena. Imagined her long fingers in his hair and her lips on his. Imagined her eyes, both dark brown and impossibly bright, looking through him, as if she could see his thoughts. Imagined looking into them and telling her, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for all of this, for everything I've done. I love you. Do you know how much I love you? Do you know how stupid I am to have treated you like I have? All of it was a lie, all of it, I never should have left, I love you, I love you, forgive me.

He could easily imagine her saying it, _I forgive you, _because she'd said it to him too many times already. More often than someone like her ever should, and now she'd realized it.

_No more wasted time, Elena. Never again. I promise._

Nate's throat was dry and the words didn't come out, but he meant it just the same.

No more wasted time, until the very end.

Nate shifted uncomfortably against the dirt, and he felt himself tense when he moved. When he looked up at the sky, it's not as bright as it had been, covered by a gray haze. With one hand, he squeezed his brother's fingers. He lifted his other hand from his torso, wincing at the sudden sting. His palm was slick, and when he wiped away the moisture, he left a streak of red against his jeans.

Slowly, Nate returned his hand to the holes in his chest, shut his eyes, and thought of his wife.

He could hear a creek below him, at the bottom of the ledge he and his brother were lying on, but it sounded more distant than it had before. The quiet water flow was calming. As he listened, the gurgling turned to what sounded like footsteps running. Water. Feet. Shoreline?

The footsteps stopped. Nate heard a strangled gasp.

"Oh my god, _Nate_!"

Not Shoreline.

But it couldn't be true, she wasn't here, she'd left in Madagascar and Sully had followed her to take her home. She couldn't be here.

The footsteps returned and came to him, and Nate forced his eyes open just as her knees hit the ground next to him.

"…lena?"

His voice was weak and scratchy, but he hoped she could hear the reverence in it. He reached his bloody fingers towards her, and she grabbed his free hand and held it tightly.

"_Nate_," Elena whispered shakily, and his eyes slowly focused on her face. "Nate, it's going to be okay, okay? Just stay awake, Nate, _please._" She held a two-way radio up to her mouth. "Sully, you need to land _now_, Nate's been shot!"

"He's been _what?!_"

At the sound of his mentor's voice, Nate felt another pang of regret. He'd betrayed Sully, too. Another forgiveness that he'd never have.

Elena's hands flew to the wounds in his chest, and he gasped when she pressed them against the bullet holes. Gray spots flew through his vision, and his eyes fluttered shut.

"_Shit_," she hissed quietly. "Nate? Nate, open your eyes!"

He forced his eyes open, slowly, and heard her sigh with relief.

"Keep them open. Okay, Nate? You _gotta _keep them open!" She briefly looked over her shoulder, then back at him. Her eyes slid from his face to his chest, then lower. His legs. No, wait.

Sam.

She gasped.

"Oh my god, that's Sam!"

She reached one hand from Nate's torso to Sam. When she touched his face, his head lolled limply, and if he strained his neck Nate could see his brother's eyes staring at the sky. Staring, but not seeing.

Elena stared for a second longer at Sam, her face filled with horror, then slowly moved his body off of Nate's legs. Sam's hand was wrenched out of Nate's, and Nate cried out. The sound was strange, coming out of his mouth, high and pained, breaking halfway through. The effort caused another surge of pain through his chest, and he squeezed his eyes shut, breathing heavily.

"Nathan, I said _keep your eyes open_, okay?"

He opened them again and reached his hand out towards Sam. Elena reached, taking Sam's hand gingerly in hers and pulling his arm to Nathan's. Nathan took his brother's hand once more. He felt Elena return her own hands to the holes in his chest.

"Nathan, Nate, stay awake, talk to me," she said, her voice desperate, panicked. "Nate, what _happened_?"

His words won't come to him. They start in his throat, but die before they can get to his tongue.

_"I just need Sam." Rafe laughing, turning his gun to Nate, smiling a smile that hadn't touched his eyes._

Elena took her hands away from Nate's chest and pulled at her shirt, and Nate whimpered at the change in pressure on his injuries.

_Rafe's finger tightening around the trigger. Sam diving in between them, suddenly stopping. His hands flying from his sides to his neck, and the whistling cough that he'd made before crumpling into Nathan's arms so suddenly that both of them fell._

Elena pulled off one of her tank tops, the top one, the dusty red one—had he told her recently that she looked so beautiful in that color?—and pressed it to Nate's chest, as if it could stop the red stain that was crawling through the dirt below him from growing.

_The brief moment of silence breaking, Rafe making a noise halfway between words and a feral scream, blood spilling from around Sam's fingers and onto Nate's legs. And then, the gun going off again and again. The few, numb moments passing quickly before Nate realized that those gunshots had been aimed at him._

Elena's face was getting blurrier. She looked up at Nate, and he felt her hand on his chin, shaking his head gently. "Nate, honey, stay with me, okay?" Her voice sounds strangely weak, nothing like her. "_Stay with me_."

_Then Rafe and his men were gone, and Nate and Sam were left, and Sam had taken his hands from his neck and reached out to Nate. He had opened his mouth and gasped out something that Nate couldn't hear, but understood just the same. And Nate had taken Sam's hand in his and told him that he was forgiven, and before Sam's eyes stopped seeing, Nate saw them brighten, just a little._

Forgiveness.

Oh, god, forgiveness.

With what little strength he could muster, Nate pulled one of Elena's hands away from his chest and squeezed it. He focused on his words, on forming them as best he could with as breathless as he felt.

"E—lena, I…"

She shook her head, pressing her other hand to his lips to shush him, and he could feel the blood on her fingers. She winced, pulling her fingers away almost as soon as they'd touched his mouth.

"Shh, don't try to talk, Nate, okay?"

"No!" he gasped out, regretting his tone but glad to see her attention turn to what he was saying. "No… Elena, I… I'm sor…"

He sees understanding in those perfect dark eyes of hers.

"Nate, I forgive you, I _love_ you."

At those words, he finally relaxes. His eyes are open, he's sure of it, but it doesn't matter, because the world has turned gray. He turns his face up to the sky, but it's dark. If he focuses, he can just see the sky begin to turn orange.

"Nate? Nate! _Nathan, wake up! You have to stay awake!_"

The weather must have changed, and changed suddenly. There hadn't been a cloud in the sky, and now he could feel rain falling against his face.

He closed his eyes and watched the sun set.


End file.
